Do I really have to ask?

Before we had kids, house management was pretty evenly split. We even went food shopping together after swim training on Saturday mornings. In fact, we used to fight over who was cooking because the other one would have to wash up. I hate washing up!

Redefining Roles

When I went on maternity leave with Oscar, our roles subconsciously redefined. I was home during the day. Somehow, I was able to get all the house stuff done before Mark even returned home. 

A few months after I had returned to work after my first maternity leave, I started to notice the silent resentment building within me. I had gone back to work but the roles hadn’t reversed.

I was working 3 days a week at the time so I figured, perhaps I should be doing a little bit more as I was at home 2 days. Over time, I slipped into the Martyr mode. Silently seething.

Every time he sat on the sofa and I was left emptying the washing machine, there was another brick I was laying between us. Over time we can create a 6ft wall.

Imaginary Delegation

Never short on ideas, I came up with a plan. A colour coded rota for all of the home management tasks. I felt great about it. The only thing was, I didn’t tell Mark about the plan. I had fallen into the trap of ‘imaginary delegation’.

I’ve always struggled with speaking up and wanting to avoid potential conflict at all costs. I have a very strong, ‘Pleaser’ in me.

At first, I followed the rota and left gaps where he should have noticed and picked up the slack. He didn’t. This just made things worse. As an adult, did I really have to tell him to put his plates in the dishwasher and turn it on when it’s full?

Turns out, you do!

Asking For What You Need

My 2nd top tip for exhaustion and burnout avoidance is, ‘asking for what you need’.

If you knew unequivocally that person would say yes. What is one thing you would ask for help with right now? Let me know what that thing is in Breakthrough Unleashed and I’ll hold you accountable for it.

Speak soon,


PS Leaving the space for someone to do the doing isn’t enough. We must ask for what we need if we hope to extract ourselves from waking up to face the same experience time and again.

PPS Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas 🎄