Workplace Confrontation: Is Your Inner Tiger Ready to Roar?
Have you ever felt trapped at work?
I was sitting at my desk, typing away, when my manager appeared at the door—clearly agitated and angry. After receiving some disappointing news, they chose to manage their uncomfortable emotions by taking it out on me, getting frustrated over minor, insignificant issues that weren’t really problems at all.
The attack was unwarranted, but I felt trapped. They were standing between me and the exit, leaving me with no choice but to endure it. Has something like this ever happened to you? Sadly, I hear stories like this all too often from my clients, and it’s not okay.
In the Face of Anger
The Pleaser is that part of you that wants to avoid conflict at all costs. In my case, my Pleaser couldn’t bear the thought of someone being upset with me, so it hijacked my system and took control—like looking through glasses with a coloured lens. It caused me to doubt myself, shift my stance, and apologise profusely.
“In the face of anger, I couldn’t hold on to my sense of self or my boundaries.”
The more I apologised and backed down, the smaller I felt—mentally and physically. As I shrank, the situation worsened, as my manager took more power.
Why Wasn’t My Pleasing Working?
My attempts at pleasing were escalating the situation instead of de-escalating it, and that felt unsafe. The less safe you feel, the stronger the primal fight-flight-freeze-fawn-flop response becomes, making it harder to manage your emotions. “Must not cry,” says the Pleaser. Then, it turns into a waiting game—when will this all be over?
If you can relate, it may not be clear in the moment that a boundary has been crossed.
Tiger Power
“The definition of a boundary is simply what’s okay and what’s not okay.”
— Brené Brown
We often recognise when a boundary has been crossed because we feel angry or resentful. But the boundaries crossed during a primal response can be less obvious, as the feelings can be overwhelming. Watch for this response because, to free yourself from the trap, you need to meet power with power.
This isn’t about having power over someone else, or competing or dominating. It’s about the power to unleash the ‘tiger in the tank’—the part of you that can set a boundary and say, “Hey! It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to be aggressive or abusive. If you continue, I will call security to have you removed from the doorway.”
Meet Your Tiger
If you know you need a ‘tiger’ ready to help you show up differently, to set and maintain your boundaries, and to feel safe no matter the situation, try the following exercises:
- Boxing
- Martial arts, such as Kickboxing, Taekwondo, Capoeira, Karate, Kung Fu
- Self-defence classes
Confront aggression in a controlled environment and match that energy. Notice the difference it makes, knowing you can rely on yourself to stay in integrity with who you are and what you believe is right. By matching aggressive power with tiger power, you’ll create a different outcome.
If you’ve ever felt trapped at work, my inbox is open. I’m only an email away.
Keep opening up,
Hannah
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