It’s easy to spot the loud ones in office politics. The ones who dominate airtime in meetings, speak in circles, and somehow say very little, except to make sure they’re seen. It’s tempting to roll your eyes, especially if you’re someone with a strong Pleaser part. You’d never waste people’s time like that. You’re thoughtful, considered. You deliver.

But here’s the truth most Pleasers don’t see at first: You’re playing a game too. The game of “approve of me.”

I’ve played it myself. I once said yes to an extra project while already overwhelmed, just to avoid letting someone down. I got the praise I craved… but underneath, I felt stretched thin and secretly resentful. That’s the hidden cost.

Because there’s always a silent hook in the game of pleasing:

• “If I say yes to you, you must praise me.”
• “If I work late, you must speak well of me.”
• “If I keep the peace, you must never shout, criticise, or make me feel small.”

It is not overt manipulation; it is a survival strategy dressed as kindness. Pleasing is not inherently bad. It is smart, adaptive, often well-intentioned. But when that part of us tips into the unhelpful range, it becomes transactional. A gamble for safety, belonging, or approval. And when that approval doesn’t come? You feel burned. Betrayed. Like you followed the rules… and still lost.

The Pleaser Game vs. The Visibility Game

Yes, some people play politics loudly, taking up space, saying what’s expected, sounding important. But the Pleaser plays a quieter version:

• Fix things quietly
• Avoid conflict
• Be the safe, capable one
• Don’t need anything

You don’t want to be seen as political. But avoiding visibility is still a strategy. One rooted in fear of rejection, not in power. Research from Catalyst (2016) shows that people who assert clear boundaries and speak with conviction are not seen as difficult, they’re often respected more. You don’t have to play the loudest game. But you do have to stop playing the one that shrinks you.

Letting go of people-pleasing isn’t just for you, it’s a doer-to-leader strategy. When you model boundaries, clarity, and authenticity: You stop wondering if you’re respected. You start respecting yourself. And you create a culture that says: “It’s safe to show up as you are here.”

That’s how trust builds. That’s how culture shifts.

There’s no shame in wanting approval. But there’s power in noticing when that want starts to cost you.

If that lands, here’s your first brave step: “I’m allowed to say no and still be worthy.”

Reflective Journal Prompts

• ☕ What’s my version of the approval game?
• ☕ Where am I still saying “yes” just to keep the peace?
• ☕ What might change if I believed I was already enough, even when I disappoint someone?

You don’t have to abandon kindness to stop pleasing. You just have to remove the conditions.

As always, I’m just an email away, whether you’re navigating the politics of leadership, recalibrating your boundaries, or stepping into unapologetic presence.

Keep opening up,

Hannah

P.S. Ready to lead with alignment instead of approval?

Here are three free ways I can support you:

• 📖 Step 1: Take the Career Accelerator Scorecard
• 💻 Step 2: Join the Intentional Careers™ Workshop
• ➡️ Step 3: Book a free 45-minute Intentional Careers or Doer to Leader 1-2-1 Strategy Session

P.P.S. 🎤 Now booking keynotes for 2026. Let’s change the game where you work.