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Beyond Imposter Syndrome
We all hear different voices in our heads. This is perfectly normal. One voice says "we should take a walk at lunchtime" and the other one says "no we must catch up on emails". It depends which one you listen to as to what decision you'll make. We move between these modes seamlessly every day without being consciously aware of them. However, these modes can also contribute to some unhelpful behaviours at times.
The Inner Critic
If you tuned into the radio and it started to say how awful you looked. You would switch it off immediately. When it is our own inner voice pointing out all our faults and worst fears, we listen to it.
The thing to realise, is that the inner critic actually really cares about you. It is trying to make you perfect so that no-one will ever criticise or reject you again. It doesn't want you to feel bad, lonely, miserable or unloved. It just goes about things in rather a self-destructive way.
When the voice gets too strong and convincing, it can become out of control and result in ruminating upon thoughts and worst case scenario thinking.
We all have a set of rules that keep us safe and functioning in the world. Our inner voice criticises us the most when we break a rule.
If you typed into Google, “my faults”. The results would support your search term. What we focus on, we create. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The inner critic gets stronger, we feel and show up worse.
The Three High Achieving Personality Types That Cause Anxiety, Self Doubt And Diminished Performance
does this sound familiar?
It makes sense that this is one of the first parts of our personality to form. We have to please our parents to get food and shelter in order to survive. As this sub-personality continues to develop, it can result in people who want to be liked or need to please others and avoid conflict at all costs.
Saying yes to yet another piece of work (that can only be completed by working evenings and weekends).…but in return you must like me and not reject me. When we are people pleasing, then there is always a silent ‘condition’.
Many strong pleasers are also super nice and generous people too. The difference, is that the offer of generosity is unconditional. Whereas giving with underlying fear is The Pleaser.
If you displease someone, this breaks the rules of The Pleaser. This is rocket fuel for your Inner Critic.
The Pusher is prevalent in modern-day culture, where society at large is more competitive. We experience hierarchical workplaces and our schooling system is set up to equate achievement with success.
The Pusher isn’t the one who decides which tasks you do. There are other parts of our personalities that do this.
Once you have been set a task, The Pusher makes sure that it gets done. It doesn’t allow you to waste time and can drive your performance unmercifully.
If you stop and take time out to relax, you are breaking the rules of The Pusher which activates the Inner Critic.
Again, this sub-personality gets set-up early on in life, typically in the school environment. Being praised for achievement when we are young can result in the drive to overachieve.
This can lead to having high standards for yourself which precipitates high expectations from others.
If you get unexpected bad feedback when in The Perfectionist mode it can feel like a personal attack. Instead of not doing well in that particular task, it becomes a sweeping generalisation about yourself.
Feeling sub-standard breaks the rules of The Perfectionist and results in ruminating on thoughts and worst case scenario thinking.
What is coaching?
Conversations that lead to transformation and doing things differently. Where therapy focusses on the past and helping you to feel better about a situation or event; coaching is about defining what you do want in the future and breaking it down into micro-steps to get you there. Where you put blocks in your own way, I help you to dismantle them using coaching techniques and tools.
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If you are new to being coaching, the breakthrough call enables you to experience the power of coaching and my particular style