The curse of tolerance – beware the self-esteem depletion cycle

Have you ever tolerated something that isn’t a match for you?

Those situations never stay the same.

If you have ever been on the career conveyor belt of taking the next logical progression step or being offered a role or responsibilities rather than consciously choosing them yourself. You may have encountered a role that wasn’t a good fit for you. Indeed, you might be in a role like that right now?

When it is not a match we become under resourced in some way. Whether that be: emotionally, through staff and equipment or even under-skilled…

It results in a failure of some kind, ranging from minor all the way to catastrophic.


  • Negative feedback
  • Poor performance
  • Procrastination
  • Loss of motivation
  • Thinly stretched
  • Conflict
  • Feeling undervalued
  • Being openly devalued by others

By definition, we gain self-esteem through the cumulative effect of adding value. If we are unable to add value in a way that utilises our natural talents then we see a reduction in self-esteem.

Re-entering the self-esteem depletion cycle with eroded confidence means we are further under-resourced. Therefore, the nature of the challenges change or deepen. Failure of some sort is inevitable and so the cycle of self-esteem depletion continues.

This is why, rather than developing confidence over time, we can actually feel like our confidence is eroding with every devaluing depletion cycle that occurs.

The more iterations we tolerate, the further our self esteem is eroded and the less likely we are to change the situation. We feel stuck!

Take a moment to recognise if you are tolerating something that is depleting your self-esteem? What is the impact on yourself and other?

Speak soon,


PS skipped to the bottom? Hahahaha cheeky! In short, the more we tolerate situations that are not a good fit for us, the worse our self-esteem becomes and the more stuck you feel.

PPS If you want to define what a good fit looks like to you, book a free 15 minute consultation call today.