“You’re doing well, Hannah; you’re just not going as fast as I thought you would.”

Falling short of someone else’s expectations, especially when it’s someone you deeply respect, hurts. It can leave you feeling like a disappointment. That’s how I found myself, stood in front of a flip chart, crying my way through explanations of my plans. I can certainly add that experience to my CV of failures.

But what if there’s another way to see it?

Choose Your Own Adventure

Do you remember those “choose your own adventure” books, where you get to decide what happens next in the story? My personal favourite is The Bugaboo.

When we fall short of others’ expectations, we often default to one of two familiar narratives…

🐙 The Octopus Pathway

This route involves using our metaphorical tentacles to hold tightly to the person we think we’ve disappointed. It activates the Pleaser part of us – eager to be liked, desperate to fix, and determined to never fall short again.

Often, this Pleaser works hand-in-hand with the Pusher, who drives performance relentlessly. Together, they create an unsustainable loop: striving, proving, and never resting until expectations are not only met, but exceeded.

🐢 The Turtle Pathway

Alternatively, we might retreat – like a turtle pulling into its shell. This path is driven by the Protector Controller part of us. We close down physically and emotionally to avoid further pain, disappointment, or shame. We hide. We avoid.

🌱 The Third Pathway

You may be familiar with both the octopus and the turtle. But what if there’s a third way? A pathway that’s rarely taken, one that many of us don’t even know exists. In the face of perceived failure… can you offer yourself self-compassion?

That’s what I did. Instead of slipping into “must try harder” mode, I paused and asked, “What’s the kindest thing I can do for myself here?”

For me, that meant:

• Prioritising rest: I focused on getting proper sleep, nourishing meals, and walks in the spring sunshine.
• Creating space: I cancelled some weekend plans to give myself more breathing room.
• Investing in wellbeing: I booked a reflexology session.

And the result? I felt 100% better. With rest came clarity of thought.

Because here’s the truth: the Octopus and the Turtle both stem from a belief that someone else’s opinion is more valid than our own. But I realised I could hold the vision for what’s possible in my life, without gripping so tightly to the timeline.

Reflect

Which of these pathways do you tend to take when you feel you’ve fallen short?

My invitation to you: next time this feeling arises (and it will), ask yourself…

👉 “What’s the kindest thing I can do for myself here?”

And just notice… what shifts?

As always, my inbox is open – I’m just an email away.

Keep opening up,

Hannah

P.S. When you’re ready, here are four ways I can support you:

• 🗣️ Explore the Career Design Mastermind Our flagship six-month group coaching programme. Cohort 9 begins April 2025 – only four places remaining! 👉 Book a call to see if it’s the right fit
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